I have added more than a few thousand passenger air miles for the fledgling airline industry in the last few weeks. Let me admit at the very outset that at a broad level, I hate air travel. Hate it even more if the flight time is in the early morning daypart. Most activities (almost all) in life can be enjoyed to the fullest with complete bowel & intestinal support .Traveling in air in the early morning hours doesn’t help on that front for sure. No - gastronomical complications and its effect on air travel is not the central theme of this post.
Last few weeks in the air and at the airport have allowed me to discover certain broad directions to choose seats in an aircraft. (I assume none of the readers of this post fly business class!!)
- First row seats
Very difficult to get, but by far, the best place in the aircraft. Leg space no problem at all. Snacks/meals served much earlier. Proximity to the toilets. And the biggest pleasure is to have an option to lean back with no chance of someone doing the same to you.
However, it suffers from a few drawbacks also. Firstly, if it’s an airline with business class, it can lead to severe depression attacks. The curtain between economy and business is never enough to conceal the extra-courteous treatment by extra-appealing air hostesses with extra-charming affectionate gestures. It would force you into serious career planning so that you can be on one of ‘those 16 seats’ sometime in the near future. Secondly, in case the airline does not have a business class, there are still potential problems. You could hear the warm and loving Spice-jet hostess bitching about ‘certain’ lecherous or irritating passengers. She might be right in her response but one is not conditioned/ expecting to see an air-hostess fume & seethe (wah wah – nice word!!). This “new and real” facet of air hospitality could lead to irreversible changes in your future outlook of the airline. Needless to say, these seats will ensure that you will have the opportunity to spend THE highest amount of time ogling at the air-hostess (especially if she is angel-like) with occasional encouraging gestures, like a smile in return.
- Middle seats (between Window and Aisle) are obviously completely avoidable. Only in case of one event would such a seat be recommended. However that event has zero probability of occurrence.
- Emergency exit seats
Leg space? no problem at all. Other incentives include a 5 minute demonstration by the cabin-crew on emergency landing instructions. The air-hostess would do it standing close enough for others in the vicinity to boil with rage (especially the first time fliers who will attribute this behavior to sheer partiality). In case an ‘angel-like’ kingfisher airhostess is doing it, you would be thinking of everything in the world but emergency landing. She would leave you over-awed with her professionalism and beauty.
Another severe drawback, you will hardly see anything but the wing of the aircraft which is supremely boring.
In the airlines that serve snacks/meal, you will have the highest probability to be served at the last. By that time her overflowing smile would disappear and she might not even ask “veg. or non veg. sir?”. In case you are amongst the unlucky last few, be ready for coffee or tea within 5 minutes of getting the food. This will leave you with no other option but to smile and say no.
Some calls that you got to take
- Aisle seat or not
Relatively better from a leg space perspective and have relatively higher probability of getting smiling gestures from the cabin-crew. Your path to the toilet would not generate irritated gestures.
In my view, the most dangerous seat in the aircraft. Especially, if you are the type who knows that there is no prize for galloping to the exit once the aircraft lands. This seat will ensure that the fellows on your left / right force you into the queue (unwillingly) while the aircraft is still taxi-ing and the cabin crew in-charge is requesting everybody to remain seated. In case you don’t budge, you will not be congratulated for your patience but be looked down upon for this rude gesture.
- Seats in the rear part vs. front part
My theory - airlines while issuing boarding cards, put a ‘particular’ set of people in the rear part. You might not want to be with them. Therefore, even if the bait is a window seat, don’t fall for it. Also, you will regularly sight individuals walking towards the toilet. No offense intended but those “sightings” are completely avoidable. Always choose something in the front part of aircraft.
Finally, what ever seat choice you may exercise, getting a nice co-passenger (read 23-24 year old, good looking babe working/studying in Mumbai) is a random event with very heavy expectations and zero probability of occurrence. I don’t think people at check-in counters are sadists and therefore it’s the larger-than-life force that decides it. The all mighty has the most important role to influence outcome. Some smarter lads (unlike me) would bias the outcome to their favor by engaging in smart activities at the airport itself.
Moral of the story - If you dont get the first row seat, just pick up any window seat available in the front of the aircraft and hope for a co-passenger who is less than 70kg of weight and 170 cm of length.
For those who want to make the seat selection process more scientific and inductive. Please visit this website. You will be amazed at the kind of multi-layered-latent need gaps that get addressed to in US. http://www.lovemyseat.com/
